Seven Sexual encounters
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: Oneshot. Seven different pairings, the majority of them unconventional and just plain old disgusting to picture. CO, Fin/Melinda, Munch/OC, and more! Read if you dare. Oh yeah, Disclaimer: I own nothin


"Elliot, what is going on?" Casey demanded as the detective continued to drag her into the squad room. He shook his head, still pulling her along by her wrist until he had succeeded in getting her to stand before Fin and Melinda, who were smiling widely.

"Hey, Casey! I thought you would like to see how Munch and Cragen's superbowl bets paid off," Fin told her before glancing over his shoulder.

"Um... no, I'm really not interested," she said, hugging her brand new leather briefcase to her chest and trying to turn around again, but Elliot stopped her by grabbing her wrist and shaking his head.

"Trust me, this will really make your day. Or make you throw up. Either way, you're watching this. Okay, Benson and Cabot! The gangs all here! You can start!"

Casey frowned, trying to see what was going on, but Fin and Melinda still wouldn't move. She heard Alex call nervously, "You know, Elliot, no one really knows what happened anyway, maybe we should just forget the whole-"

"No, Alex, you made the bet, now you have to carry through. For three minutes only, then you can run away screaming for all I care, but you still have to do it for three minutes."

"Fine!" she shouted. "Let's get this over with, Olivia." Fin and Melinda finally let Casey pass through... and what she saw was enough to give her nightmares for years to come.

Olivia was being kissed. By Munch. Alex was being kissed. By Cragen. Well, kissing was the wrong word for the last pairing- more like 'violently mauling her face.'

Casey screamed, unable to tear her eyes away from the horrors before her. Somehow, she ended up on her knees, throwing up all over her brand new, expensive brief case and trying to crawl away.

Melinda hauled her to her feet and refused to let her leave, though she looked like she wanted to run screaming from the room herself. The ADA had no idea what the hell was going on and didn't want to know. All she did know was that she had to get out of here.

When Cragen straddled Alex, she let out another scream and dived for cover behind a trash can, curling up into a tiny ball and hiding her face in her hands until Elliot patted her back and told her, "You can come out now, Casey. It's over."

She hesitantly peeked her head out into the line of fire, and when she saw both Olivia and Alex washing their mouths out with what looked like soap, she jumped to her feet and demanded, "Okay, what the HELL was that?"

Cragen and Munch were both sitting there with these ridiculous dreamy looks on their idiotic faces, so Elliot forced out between laughs, "Olivia and Alex both bet on the Bears for the Superbowl. They didn't have any money with them, so they both said they'd kiss Munch and Cragen if they were wrong, respectively."

"Actually, Alex, you bet Cragen five minutes, not three," Fin reminded her.

"WHY, FIN? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" she screamed, throwing herself at him and trying to punch him. "WHY?"

He just laughed and led her over to Cragen, sitting her down on his lap. "Two more minutes with Alex, Captain, coming up." He started kissing her again, even as she screamed for mercy.

Casey once again hid behind the trash can and tried to crawl away, shouting, "I don't want to see anymore of this!"

"Actually, you have to stay. You have some work to do," Melinda told her, blocking her escape path again.

Fin smiled brightly as he picked her up and held her in the air like a toy doll by the back of her shirt. "That's right, you do! See, since me and Melinda are a couple now, we decided-"

"Since when are you two a couple?" Elliot demanded, whirling around to face them.

"Since he asked me out on a date! Any more questions?" He stared mutely at Melinda, then shook his head. She chuckled under her breath before turning back to Casey. "See, here's the thing- Fin likes seeing two girls kiss, and I wanted to get back at Olivia for the thing with the coffee last month- she fed me Munch's toxic sludge- so Fin and I made a joint bet, for the Steelers- and we won."

"Okay, I still don't see how this affects me," she said apprehensively, squirming to get out of Fin's grip.

"Well, you will in just a second. We decided that if we won the bet, then you and Olivia would have to kiss. For five minutes." Casey stared at Melinda for a second, then started kicking and screaming, shaking her head wildly and trying to bite Fin's hand.

"NO! NO, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" she shouted as Fin carried her into the squad room and dropped her down in front of Olivia.

"You lost, Olivia," Fin ordered when the detective backed away fearfully. "You have to kiss Casey. Now do it!"  
Olivia looked at Casey apologetically, and the ADA sighed, shaking her head. "Come on, Liv. I have to look more appealing then Munch."

She hesitated, nodding thoughtfully, then laughed. "Maybe you're right. Oh, what the hell. Come're, you!" Olivia yanked Casey forward, and the two started kissing enthusiastically

Five minutes later, Melinda looked at her watch and nodded. "All right, ladies. Times up. You did great."

Olivia and Casey did not react. "Ladies?" Munch asked, slowly approaching them. "Not that this isn't a huge turn on, but you do know this is going kind of overboard? Ladies?"

A moment passed in silence, then Elliot shouted, "They're actually enjoying it! EVERYBODY RUN!"

SVUSVUSVU

George Huang walked into the precinct the next morning, carrying his profile for one their current cases in his right hand and a cup of coffee in his left. That was when he passed a naked wrestling couple on the floor- Fin and Melinda.

"AHHHHHH!" he screamed, throwing his coffee into the air and scrambling backwards. "OH MY GOD!"  
Fin and Melinda immediately stopped what they were doing and when they saw who it was, they screamed as well. "GEORGE!" Melinda shouted, desperately trying to cover herself up. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"My job- what on earth are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Fin exclaimed, kissing Melinda again. "Now would you mind leaving us alone?"  
"Please, it's my pleasure," he muttered, turning around and holding a hand over his eyes. "But you should know, the other cops are going to come in soon, and they won't be so nice."

"Oh my god Fin! Fin, we've gotta pick this up later, I'm not..." Huang didn't know what else she said; he was too busy running away as fast as he could.

He reached the squad room, prayed everything was going normally elsewhere and the affair with Fin and Melinda was a hallucination.

Unfortunately, George would rather have front row seats to Fin and Melinda's next encounter then what he saw next.

Casey and Olivia were lying on the floor, entirely naked, with Casey in Olivia's arms. Elliot and Rebecca Hendrix- god knows where she sprung up from- were fast asleep on Elliot and Olivia's combined desks. John Munch and someone who looked suspiciously like a hooker were similarly engaged on his and Fin's combined desk, and through the open door of Cragen's office, he could see Alex Cabot lying in Cragen's arms.

Huang's resulting scream was so loud it woke everybody up and cracked Munch's glasses. Everybody looked around in shock, then scrambled to cover themselves up while Huang tried not to pass out from the insanity of it all.

Once everybody had gathered in the squad room, fully clothed and embarrassed, Olivia sitting on Casey's lap, Alex washing her mouth out with some soap based concoction, Munch and Cragen wearing identical happy little grins on their faces, the hooker sipping coffee in the corner, Elliot with his arm around Rebecca, and Melinda sitting on Fin's leg. When everybody was settled, he stammered "Okay,,, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

They all looked at each other sheepishly, and eventually Cragen volunteered to go first. "I'm not sure why we're explaining ourselves to you, but I won a bet for the Superbowl and Alex said she would kiss me for five minutes if that happened. Afterwards, I um... enjoyed it so much I paid her for the entire night."

Alex, who was still washing her mouth out, nodded but didn't reply. Huang nodded satisfactorily then said, "Okay, next."

Fin and Melinda stepped forward, and Fin explained, "See, we ran out of here once we figured out what Casey and Olivia were doing, then Melinda said if everybody else was getting some why wasn't she, so I decided to... um... rectify the situation, if you know what I mean."

When Fin winked, Huang shuddered and tried not to picture what he was talking about. "If you give me any more details I'm going to throw up. Right, that leaves Elliot and Rebecca, John and the hooker, and Casey and Olivia. Who wants to go next?"

"If you don't mind," the hooker said in a surprisingly nasal voice, "I do have a life to get back to- my boss, Maxwell Sheffield, he's the rich Broadway producer- I'm his nanny, and I need to work today. Anyways, I'm Fran Fine, and I was coming by here to get my coat that I left here earlier today when this one," she said, jabbing her finger at Munch, "Offered to have sex and... honestly, he looked alot better in the dark. Now, I have to go. Goodbye, everyone." Fran got up and walked away, leaving Munch sitting at his desk, embarrassed.

He shook his head, then looked at Elliot and Rebecca. "Okay, what's your excuse?"

Rebecca started to explain. "Well, I was coming here to see if Elliot was finished with those documents I wanted, and when I saw everybody besides him having sex and asked why he was the lone wolf, he said it was because there was no one left to have sex WITH, so I thought what the hell, might as well." Elliot tickled her nose, and the two started kissing again before anybody could stop them.

Groaning loudly, Huang finally turned to Casey and Olivia. "Now, what reason could you possibly have for... whatever happened last night?"

Casey and Olivia looked at each other, then burst into giggles as Olivia managed to force out, "I had to kiss her for part of a bet, but when the three minutes were over... neither one of us wanted to stop."

Casey laughed again, hooking her leg around Olivia's waist as the two rolled onto the floor again. Elliot and Rebecca were already kissing, and Cragen started to hand Alex more money. John ran after his hooker as Fin shrugged, then tackled Melinda to the floor. Huang took one look at the three different couples engaging in wild, inane, primal sex, and started to scream. He last thing he heard before he ran out the door was Casey scream, "Cowabunga!" as she came back for seconds.

"AHHHHHHH!" George screamed as he sat bolt upright in bed, sweating and panting, to someone knocking on his apartment door. "Oh," he gasped, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Just a nightmare."

He hurried over to his door and opened it to reveal Munch and Fin, Fin shirtless and currently licking Munch's shoulder. Munch asked breathlessly, "Hey, Huang, can we borrow your apartment for the next two hours? Fin and I really need a place to... get to know each other better."

"AHHHHHHH!"

Don't ask where on earth any of that came from. Oh, and some of you may recognize Fran Fine from The Nanny- I was wondering about who Munch was going to get when my friend suggested her, so I thought, what the hell? Also, you're lucky Elliot just got Rebecca Hendrix- when I came up with that one, I was wondering who I was going to pair him off with, and my first- horrifying- thought, was Arthur Branch.


End file.
